Stress

Can stress really cause sickness? I guess it could. Food also can, as well as many other things. Why am I always sick? It doesn't seem right. I could cut out my intestines, but then my food would just come shooting out my stomach... I don't think that would be any more attractive than my IBS issues. It seems weird to think that I would rather have raging diarrhea than be constipated, but anyone who has had both, I would rather have it exiting my body, than it posting camp on my insides. Either way, it fucking sucks. Do I dare go anywhere when I know I'm having a flare up..... I might kill 800 people with my deadly disease. It's possible, don't think it couldn't happen. It's amazing what this fat ass is capable of. Damn... TMI, but who cares?!

Faults

Can one truly comprehend their own faults, or are they just in denial. I want to know what my faults are, please tell me. It may be harsh, but fucking tell me. In attempt to shed some light for someone, I was blunt and expressed to someone their own fault and instead of accepting it, they turned their fault onto me. I guess, that was easier to do, because in doing so, then they didn't have to own it, it was now my fault to own with them. That being said, do I own that fault truly, or do I deny it being they were just upset at hearing their own fault. In doing so, I could just be doing the opposite of what I just said one should not do. Do I accept it for what it is or just throw it out as a mistake? Wow.... that was an existential (sp?) moment! In many ways, I feel I know my faults since I have pesimestic views on many things, including myself and my abilities (that way I am never let down...). Although, I feel I can see others faults quite clearly, although with my "issues" (diagnosed or undiagnosed) it depends on the person. I tend to idolize certain people and they do little wrong... others do many things wrong and to me, that is okay and I can accept that; they however do not (when they hear it from me, of course). Those people, I tend to have no feelings toward and my thoughts for them waver on a day to day basis... whether I will tolerate them or not. Hmmm... it must suck for those people. I'm pretty harsh sometimes.

D went golfing for father's day, so it was just Kiara and I. We went to see Kelly and decided to go to the book store. We found ourselves looking at books to "make our selves better people" or "search deep within ourselves to find ourselves"... stuff like that. But it's interesting to note, that I didn't buy a book. I found some books interesting and I wrote some down, but I truly didn't feel that I needed any at the moment. Do you ever have the feeling that when you're with someone you don't have to pretend or put on a show or worry about what you say. I feel that way with her. If I need any self-help, I just hang out with her and I feel better. She has a way about her that makes me feel that even though I need help (haha) it's okay and we have shit-ass fun through it all. I don't need anything in my life when I'm with her and if I shit my pants, she'll make fun of me because it's funny but not cuz I'm stupid. I hope everyone has someone like her in their life and if you don't, I suggest you look long and hard, cuz your life isn't complete without someone like that! I love you Kelly.